like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
