just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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