dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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