Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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