So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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