im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
