yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
