You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
