Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
