I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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