i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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