guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
