His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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