Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
