I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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