Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize