i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
