I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
