i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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