I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
