please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
