i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
