so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
