she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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