how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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