Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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