Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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