i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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