I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
