you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
