Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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