Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
