In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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