Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize