But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
