Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize