I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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