so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
