my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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