My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
