Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
