I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
