Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize