I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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