just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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