drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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