chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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