this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
