Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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