Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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