I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
