If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
