Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
