none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
His nipple licking is glorious
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
