Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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