Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize
