Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
