If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is this the sara with the beer cane?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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