We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
