farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
