Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
foreskin is a definite game changer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
