cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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