You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize