I think i peed on brittanys purse
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
