she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
