Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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