In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize