one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
