I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
