It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
FUCK WHALES
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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