i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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