I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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