...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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