so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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