Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize