your thong is hanging out like whoa
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize