put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
