my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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