My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
how drunk are you?
Several
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
