I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
