oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize