i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
