After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
