Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
