I accidentally burped into my bong.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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