we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
