if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
