now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
